At age 13, I used to be identified with juvenile myoclonic epilepsy (or JME). It’s not almost as extreme as my sister’s type of the situation, however however critical.
Once I was 15, I skilled my first tonic-clonic seizure (also referred to as a grand mal seizure), which causes muscle contractions together with lack of consciousness (most likely what somebody may think once they consider a stereotypical seizure). At that time, I used to be placed on medicine for my epilepsy.
I had numerous unintended effects on account of this medicine, and I wasn’t actually open with anybody about what I used to be going via. I skilled numerous anxiousness, hyperactivity, and insomnia. Plus, the second I used to be placed on medicine, my high quality of sleep was severely impacted. I felt very low, and unable to pay attention—that are signs of epilepsy, however I imagine they had been exacerbated by the medicine, as properly. Contemplating sleep deprivation and stress are two main triggers, this was all very regarding.
Whereas individuals primarily affiliate my situation with seizures, it’s additionally about dwelling with the concern of a seizure. In my case, I used to be having shut to 1 grand mal a 12 months, however there was an incessant concern of getting one on the incorrect time, or what may occur because of this—falling and hitting my head, shedding management of my bladder, experiencing it when nobody was round.
There are additionally totally different sorts of seizures, past grand mal. I additionally endure from myoclonic jerks, that are little interruptions within the mind—I all the time describe them as like matrix interruptions, when my palms will kind of jerk open. I additionally expertise what’s generally known as an aura, which appears like I’m zoning out, however actually it’s a sort of seizure. Plus, people who find themselves epileptic have photosensitivity, so I wanted to be cautious of vivid flashing lights, to keep away from triggering a seizure.
Every time I had a seizure, I felt like a bit of myself had been robbed in a roundabout way. Every one brought on mind harm to a point and, in my expertise, a lack of confidence. It looks like your entire world has been turned the wrong way up. It’s completely terrifying to get up and see individuals above you, asking if you understand who they’re, and for those who’re okay. In these moments, you don’t have any thought what occurred, aside out of your pounding headache.
There are simply so many layers to it that individuals who don’t have this situation might not think about. And, sadly, epilepsy comes with a horrible stigma, so I just about stored my invisible sickness to myself for years.
